The Steps of the Palace

NEW BLOG!

2008-09-21T13:50:00.001-06:00

If you're still around and reading my blog from time to time (or exasperated that I haven't written in six weeks), I have news for you. I have a new blog address, and it is:

windowinbetween.blogspot.com.

See you there!

Hello, again.

2008-08-04T13:04:00.002-06:00

Hi, to those of you who may think I have died. I haven't, so don't worry too much. :)

Becks, I'm glad you had fun in Disneyland. :)

SC, In Defense of Food is great. I hope you thought it was good, too.

I've had a good summer so far. I discovered the farmer's market, which is great fun. I also discovered very quickly that the earlier you go, the better it is. They have some great stuff there! I've been getting to read lots of books. It's great! If you would like to read some of my book reviews, go here. I don't promise that they'll be great reviews (and I need to update that, too), but it's something. I've been reading a lot of things, and having a great time. I've spent some time with extended family (both mine and The Franchise's), learned how to play Killer Bunnies, and have been enjoying the fresh fruit and veggies found locally. I have touched my flute once since graduation (to play in my aunt's ward while I was sick and stuffed up). I'm currently trying to figure out what's next in my life, but all I seem to be getting is "keep doing what you're doing. More to come." Grad school sounds like a bad idea, and the job search isn't going as well as I'd like it to be. I'm trying out new recipes, and teaching myself how to be a better cook. The only downside to that plan is that I don't have a dishwasher. That combined with tendonitis can make doing dishes a bit frustrating. I suppose I'll live, though.

I also auditioned for American Idol this summer. It was interesting and kinda fun, but also one of the most boring experiences of my life. I'm glad I did it. It really helped me realize some things about myself.

1- I find getting up in front of people to be really unpleasant. People are really surprised to hear me say this, since I can converse easily in small-ish groups. But seriously. I thought my stage fright (which got a LOT better during school) would go away after my grades didn't matter anymore. Until I got nervous right before I stepped up to sing for the producers, and I turned to jelly. Then I realized, "nope, still there." This includes doing things like teaching. Anyone. The thought of standing up for 50 minutes and teaching a Sunday School lesson scares me.

2- I'm not really a limelight person. Sure, I can flip orange (take some attention) if I need to, but I like to choose the occasion. I don't like being forced into it. I'm MUCH more comfortable if someone else is the center of attention. Here I am, sitting in my seat trying to endure the auditions, and everyone around me is practicing (like the girl sitting behind me who was SO annoying), and trying to look the best, or stand out the most. I realized after I'd had a chance to process some things that I have a form of what I call "EST syndrome." Est syndrome is common for, but not limited to, people involved in The Arts. In school, I spent lots of time and energy trying to be the bEST flute player. People need to become the bEST dancer, bEST artist, bEST pianist, etc. But it doesn't stop there. How many people (especially women) who have to be the cutEST, sweetEST, smartEST, bEST cook, bEST employee, have the bEST department, be the smallEST, skinniEST, etc. You get the picture, right? After sitting for all those hours at the auditions, I realized that the EST competition is a really big waste of time. Who cares? I knew this before, but it was different to experience it. In the long run, it just doesn't matter. Why waste time trying to prove to other people all my ESTs when I could just be learning to be me and figuring out the things I love in my life? The tough thing, though, is getting out of that mindset. I started piano at a very young age, and have been quite involved with music since then. I'm so used to it that it's become ingrained in my brain. It's nice to realize all this and be able to start going a different direction. After talking with one of my other music friends (and she's going for a D.M.A - a PhD in music, basically), we realized how thoroughly music has consumed our lives. We're both now on the process of figuring out what we actually like to do. I think I'm going to try taking a yoga class or something.

Anyway, life's good. Travel possibilities for the holidays are looking up now, which is good, though we still can't promise anything yet.

My apologies to Brozy and Bawb, who may think we have forgotten them or something. We'd love to hang out again sometime soonish, but are aware of how expensive gas is (especially with how many times you guys were willing to drive up here - you're wonderful). Maybe if The Franchise's schedule ends up mellowing out in the near future, we can hang out again soon.

Thanks for reading!

Nearing the end of June

2008-06-25T17:46:00.003-06:00

Last week, I got to go to the happiest place on earth with my husband and my family. We had a great time! I was lucky enough to get to plan most of the vacation since my mom hasn't been feeling well. I bought The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland 2008, and got to work. It was a very useful outlet for all of my Disney enthusiasm. Since we knew we'd be pushing my mom around in a wheelchair, I researched all the special entrances for rides. I also planned the morning touring plans (the trick is to get there way early), and made dinner reservations. It was fun knowing a few more tricks of the trade, and it made our time more enjoyable and efficient. For most of my family members, we realized that the best way for us to do Disney is to get up really early and do a great morning tour. Then around 11, we go back to the hotel and crash -- sleep, relax, etc. -- until about 4 or 5 pm. By this point, there are definitely more people leaving than coming into the park, and the heat starts to cool off.

One of the days in the park, we got to hang out with some of my husband's family, which was great fun! As she mentioned in her blog, my sister-in-law and I got to talking about children and marriage and peoples' expectations. While we realize that people care about us and want to know what's going on and how we're doing, extensive questions about marriage and children (frequency and number) can get tiring. I was surprised, but not necessarily relieved to find out that the asking thing isn't just a part of the culture of the state that I live in. It happens all over in Mormondom. I almost thought this would be comforting, but it isn't. Oh well. Better to have people care than not, right?

Right now I'm still just feeling a little lost and am trying to figure out what my next step is. I'm currently applying for some new jobs, and, while I'm nervous, I'm excited about learning new things and having different opportunities.

Also, when my current bosses and co-workers are asking if everything's okay at home (it's more than okay -- it's wonderful) when I'm being "not my usual chipper self" at work (work's been more than a little hellish lately), it's time to get some new co-workers who don't feel quite so comfortable. I suppose it's my own darn fault for being so willing to give personal information out.

Life's good, though. It's quite hot in our apartment, but that's okay. We'll survive somehow.

In the mean time, I'll try not to roast, and look for jobs. And maybe watch some 24.

Friday, May 23, 2008

2008-05-23T15:56:00.002-06:00

I can't believe it's the 23rd already. I graduated three weeks ago (and managed to get Bs in the two classes I thought I was going to fail), and my brother comes home a week from tonight. We get to go to Disneyland in not too long, which I am really excited about. My family has relegated the planning of the trip to me, which is really fun. It's definitely a more constructive way to harness my super-excited energy.

Being out of school is GREAT. I love not going to class every day and dealing with my professors. I love being able to basically do what I want when I get home, without having the guilt of knowing that I should be practicing or doing homework.

Recently at work, I thought there would be a good opportunity to move up and get a full-time job, so that I could get a bit of experience before going to grad school. Unfortunately, the opportunity that opened up is not one that I'm interested in, so I need to dive back into my resume and get that going again. I know there's something for me out there, but I need to be patient (which is not something I'm good at) and trust that things will work out.

At least I can say that I'm married to one of the greatest guys ever.

As of Monday, May 5th:

2008-05-05T16:56:00.002-06:00

* I did get the iPod Touch. It's fun.

* I have unofficially graduated. I say unofficially because I went through the requisite ceremonies and stuff, but I refuse to believe I've actually graduated until the Main TA of the Online Class gets my grade changed, and my other professors post their grades. I need to hold my diploma in my hands to be able to know for certain that I did, in fact, graduate. There have been too many weird things happening for me to feel at ease until I hold the diploma.

* I need a full time job. Preferably one that pays benefits, is 8-5, and is close to where I live. I would also appreciate not being bored to tears every day. There are a few things opening up at Work currently, but the only positions I'm currently interested in there would need to be created for me. I don't see this as likely, so I will only stay there until I find something better. And full time.

* I highly recommend the book In Defense of Food. It has almost completely changed the way I think about food. Very interesting.

* I am so glad the weather has decided to be nice.

* Now I can finally think about my brother coming home, and our family vacation in June. It's going to be awesome.

* I will be making pork chops with raspberry glaze, asparagus, and red potatoes for dinner. Cooking is fun!

Huh?!

2008-04-30T16:14:00.004-06:00

Today at work I was basically told by my department that I'm liked so much by Director and Associate Director because of my age and gender. I do not believe this to be true.

It does, however, make me want to go out and get an MBA...not just to prove them wrong, but also because I'm learning to understand that business is kind of cool, it makes sense to me, and it's interesting.

Assistance, please?

2008-04-25T16:46:00.002-06:00

I need to convince my boss, who is extremely old-fashioned, that I need to use my leftover scholarship funds to buy an 8 gig iPod Touch for "educational" reasons.

Main Reason #1: I'm continuing to be a TA for this online class (if Bawb and Brozy roll their eyes, I will understand and still love them) and I need to be able to access it.

Main Reason #2: It's a lot cheaper than buying a laptop.

Can anybody help with other very convincing reasons he should let me do it?

My Life is Unraveling, part II

2008-04-24T17:24:00.003-06:00

I believe that at the time of that posting, I had just mapped out all the things I needed to do before May 1st at 5 pm, and that list was not small. I wasn't so sure that my small readership actually wanted to know all the things. :) Plus, I try to stay somewhat anonymous, just in case.

My life is unraveling, basically because I'm graduating, but more because after I have graduated, it will be time to move on to something else for a while. I don't know what that something else will be, and I have a certain fear of the unknown. All of my life, I've been defined by being a student, and by doing music, and that will all of a sudden come crashing to a close. In that case, what do I turn to next?

After I graduate, I'm hoping to find some sort of a full-time job that will provide benefits, and, if I'm lucky, not bore me to death for eight hours a day. I think it will be heavenly ("trouble is, we only get it on Sundays"... just kidding) to have an entire hour (imagine!) every day for lunch. I'm also considering diving back into the sort of activity during which I met Eric and Fran (and I'm so tickled that you found my blog!!!). However, if I choose to do so at the location closest to me, nobody knows who I am. The Franchise and I have thought about moving to a point between Here and Hometown to make the Hometown version more accessible....especially come December......... *wink wink*, but we're not sure what we're doing just yet. Plus, I'm probably forgetting how much time that takes.

I know I'm interested in a lot of things, and I know that things usually work out the way they're supposed to, but I often find myself wishing that I had a crystal ball that let me know where to go. Ya know?

At least at this point, I have one paper to fix and submit, one final project to finish, one jury to play (that thankfully isn't mine), one other final paper to submit, and to finish grading for my other class. Then, I'm done! Hooray!

My Life is Unraveling,

2008-04-14T16:34:00.001-06:00

But I suspect it's in one of those really good ways, that means that a chapter is closing and there's exciting stuff ahead.

Good thing, because these next two weeks are going to be . . . intense.

Happy Time

2008-03-25T19:42:00.002-06:00

Well, the senior recital is over, and I have six weeks left of school this semester, and I'm very happy about this. In six weeks, I will graduate and be a free woman! I still have two papers to write, a midterm to listen to, finals to take and opera week to survive, but then I'll be DONE!

This semester, my goal has been to pass my classes. I don't need As. 'Cs get degrees,' right? Yes. They do.

The question I'm being asked the most frequently is, "So. What do you want to do after you graduate?" My answer: SOMETHING that is in no way related to my major. I understand that this is not a common answer. I'm okay with that. I've spent so much time working on the subject and being a student that I'm ready to drop them for now and try new things. A lot of people seem to dread going into the work force, but I'm really looking forward to it. I'm excited about benefits and more money. Hopefully I'll be able to not be bored to tears, too.

As of today...

2008-03-13T16:23:00.000-06:00

...the singers *still* drive me crazy!!

Ugh.

What is going on??

2008-03-06T13:16:00.003-07:00

I had a very strange day yesterday. I haven't quite processed what's been going on. I've been becoming more and more outspoken, and I find that I like it! Knowing that I have to be more accountable about what I say can be a little scary, but I found it nice to actually say what I think. It was fun, and such a relief! I'm confused, though, because that's not normally who I am. I've historically been the one to go with the flow, do what I'm told, not make waves, etc. All of a sudden, I can't seem to keep my mouth shut about what I think, especially in response to professors and coworkers. The other strange thing is that people are actually taking me seriously and valuing my opinions. This also (and granted, this is just my perception, and is thus a jaded view of reality) is strange. I'm used to being the good little obedient green in the corner, but maybe orange isn't as bad as I thought.

Am I actually changing colors, or what's going on here???

I think that my new favorite movie...

2008-03-06T13:01:00.003-07:00

...is Meet the Robinsons.

I love that movie! I like things that encourage kids to be smart, and that movie has so many other things that are great fun.

I think my favorite line, though, is from the T-Rex (as per the mumbling and subtitles): "Well, I have a big head and small arms. I'm just not sure how well this plan was thought through. Master?"

:D

Feeling Out of Place

2008-03-04T17:54:00.003-07:00

I don't know where I fit in right now. It's becoming increasingly clearer that school needs to be over as quickly as possible. I don't feel like I fit in Academia anymore (even though I need to finish off the semester and not botch anything), but I don't feel like I'm ready for the having kids and being a mom thing.

(I know that there will be full-time work happening that is not related to my major, which will be a good thing. Preferably 8-5, five days a week, not retail, and not being bored to death.)

Ideas, anyone?

Dear Self,

2008-03-01T17:22:00.002-07:00

Remember when you told yourself NOT to read the blogs of friends who have children?

Yup. Lots of them JUST had babies. Since you're still freaking out quite a bit about the prospect, it would be a Really Good Idea not to read them. It will help you to Keep Moving Forward with the semester, which is where you need to be focusing.

Love,

Your Self

January the 31st, 2008

2008-01-31T10:25:00.001-07:00

Today's a good day.

:)

I really need a haircut.

2008-01-26T12:31:00.001-07:00

Good thing I'm getting one on Monday.

Sheesh.

Not a good day.

2008-01-23T22:32:00.000-07:00

I'm going through a personal growth spurt right now. Not the physical kind, unfortunately. I will always be 5'4" without shoes on. I'm talking the "So....who exactly am I?" kind. Oddly (when I'm not exhausted), I'm finding that I rather like speaking out about things.

Lately, I've been up in arms about how people are treated by other people. I find myself annoyed when people (whether they be bosses, conductors, professors or grad students) think they're better than the other people around them. There's also a kid in band who has a serious inferiority complex, and that bugs me too. I am SO sick and tired of feeling like you have to say certain things to certain people at work, and you shouldn't "be heard" saying other things, or else something bad might happen to you. I understand that having tact is helpful, but I think people should be able to be more open in conversation in general. What is so wrong if an employee thinks there's a serious flaw with the company? Shouldn't that be an opportunity to improve? What if you, oh "high"-paid executive, suddenly found that YOUR opinion doesn't matter? What then? I understand the concept of not burning bridges, but I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. I don't like that feeling. It takes up SO much energy.

I'm becoming something of a "call it as I see it" type of person, but I can't quite get the mixture right.

*sigh* I guess that's what a blog is for.

Happy New Year

2008-01-05T13:15:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that January 2008 is finally here. When I applied to Current School, and I filled in "expected graduation" as May 2008, it sounded obnoxiously far away.

"Ha," I thought. "That's never going to come. Ah, well."

All of a sudden, it's around the corner. And it didn't even ask permission. Humph.

Don't get me wrong. I am very excited to graduate. After two years at Former School and 3.5 years at Current School, I'm ready to be done. It's also strange to think that Missionary Brother will be coming home about three weeks after I graduate. The poor kid will have to apply for his schooling while he's still on his mission. He's looking at Former School, Current School, and That Other Big School. I'm trying to convince him that Current School is the way to go, but it may just depend on what scholarships he can drum up.

I, like Nancy, am also approaching a "dot, dot, dot" moment in my life. People are starting to ask what I'll do post-graduation. I tell them that I'm looking forward to a full-time job that is not related to my relatively useless major. Current Job seems interested in potentially creating a full-time job for me to stay. The reason it's a dot, dot, dot, though, is that The Franchise is planning on attending graduate school this fall, and doesn't know exactly where that will be just yet. That's okay. It's an adventure, right? Part of me thinks it would be nice to stick around. Part of me thinks that picking up and relocating would be fun (even if moving and I aren't best friends). Life has so much in store, and while it can be scary, it can also be fun.

I've been blessed a lot in my life, and I know that we'll be taken care of wherever we end up, and that we'll be where we're supposed to be.

I hope that we all can have a good 2008.

Dear Nancy,

2008-01-05T13:13:00.000-07:00

When I read your blog, sometimes I feel like we live on different planets. I can't imagine having a baby. Wow.

She is incredibly cute, though. :)

...

2007-12-29T12:31:00.000-07:00

I think it's time to not be a student employee anymore. It's a bit unfortunate, since I still have this semester. Maybe it's just time to be treated better at work.

Christmas!

2007-12-01T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today was the first big snow of the season! It was so pretty. It was a little difficult to get out of our parking lot this morning, but I made it. I spent a good part of the morning taking all the Christmas music that I have, putting into iTunes, and putting it on my iPod. It was fun, and a little surprising to see how much I have. I have a feeling that this Christmas will be nice.

I got to spend some nice time with my friend at the mall today, which was nice. I didn't buy anything except business cards, but that's ok. :) Afterward I went by myself to a Christmas shop. It was kind of fun and unusual. My mom and I are not the most decorating-inclined women you've ever met. I wandered around for a while, thinking about everything, and was realizing that I don't really know what Christmas is to me. I saw lots of collections of snowmen, Santas, candy canes, ornaments, dishes, woodland creatures, Christmas trees, trains, angels, elves, wreaths, garlands, and any other thing you can think of associated with Christmas.

It definitely got me thinking about what Christmas means to me. I'm not sure yet. Maybe I've worked in retail too long, but I know that I'm not a fan of the highly commercialized-ness of it. I liked the Santa figures that are more Father Christmas than Santa. Do you know what I mean? I like Christmas cheer, and I like red and green together, especially in nature. In my neighborhood, there are trees with red berries on them, and they're so pretty!! So maybe something nature-related?

There are reasons...

2007-11-20T15:07:00.000-07:00

...why the BYU student population can sometimes drive me crazy.

Go here.

Nooooooooooooooo!

2007-11-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

FM100 and KOSY 106.5 are already playing Christmas music! What is up with that?! Christmas music should not be played until Thanksgiving Day at the earliest. I'll confess: I'm a little disgusted.

A List

2007-11-03T09:06:00.000-06:00

Things I'd like to do after I graduate:

Have a full-time, 40-hour a week job.
Read Shakespeare
Read whatever I want
Learn to cook
Learn to garden
Learn to knit or crochet or both

Not have to do homework!!!

Dear The Franchise,

2007-11-01T17:41:00.000-06:00

Thank you.

Love,

Me

Happy October!

2007-10-27T17:22:00.000-06:00

So after catching up on the blogs of my friends, I decided it had been far too long since I updated mine.

Life is good right now. I just had some fun concerts. I'm interested in hearing the recordings from the two nights. I even got to dress up. For those of you who know what school I used to attend and what school I now attend (which shall not be named in this post), I was a "really hard-core fan" of Former school (including the football t-shirt for this year, socks, hair ribbons and brightly colored hairspray to match) since I know things like that at Current school really make people upset. I got quite the reaction from my fellow orchestra members.

I like Fall a lot better this year than I have in years past. I'm really enjoying the leaves crunching under my feet. I'm enjoying watching the sun light things up as it rises and sets. I think the trees are beautiful. I'm glad the weather has continued to be warm-ish. Life's good right now.

Tomorrow I'll be speaking in church. I'm planning on speaking on President Packer's talk. I really like that no-one is better than anyone else in the Church. It's been a while since I've spoken in Church, and we've only made it two full times to our new ward, so it should be an adventure. I know next to nothing about the people I'm speaking to. Luckily, we'll be speaking with another couple, which lessens the time I have to stand at the pulpit. I shouldn't be surprised that this is my fate. We managed to weasel our way out of speaking before leaving our singles' ward, since a new bishopric was called a week or two before we left. Ah, well. Sometimes life is more fair than we'd like it to be.

I'm still sick of music and politics and stuff. Thankfully I have orchestra, which has been keeping me sane. Somewhere I'll have to find the motivation to continue on and do my senior recital. I'll have to pass my classes. All that good stuff....which reminds me! I need to complete my application for graduation, which is due Thursday!! Woo-hoo!!! Anyway. When people ask me what I'm planning to do after graduation, my response is something along the lines of, "Something NOT related to music!" I like music. Don't worry about that. I just find it somewhat sickening that people are willing to obsess over it and let it completely take over their lives. They can't comprehend me, either, so I guess it evens out okay. I'm actually looking forward to returning to the world of imperfect musicians, where not everything has to have exactly the right pitch and the right dynamic and has to have just the right amount of crescendo, or it's RUINED! FOREVER! and that sort of thing.

The Elders quorum presidency came by last week and mentioned that the ward choir director position is currently open. Since I'm somewhat terrified of child-related anything, choir director sounds just fine. I've done it before, I can do it again. I just need a good pianist. However, since it's pretty close to Christmas, I may have made the mistake in telling them that I'd be interested in the position. Hmmm.

Oh, and will someone please let The Franchise know that just because we saw one very cute 1-year old child posing as Yoda and his very cute 4-year-old sister posing as Leia (complete with her real hair as the buns on the side of her head), we do not need to have children right this very moment? Thanks. I appreciate it.

And good luck to Ambrosia and Bawb on their Great Move this weekend.

Music

2007-09-18T15:39:00.000-06:00

I think I'm getting sick of music.

To those of you who've known me for a long time, this may come as a big shock. Especially since I started playing piano at age 5. I started flute in seventh grade, and haven't stopped since. In high school, I *loved* band and orchestra. Most of the time. But I also loved choir, Spanish and ballroom dance.

That may be some of my problem. I've finally figured out that music majors and true "musicians" are really supposed to love music. They're supposed to know who the famous people are related to their instrument, whether living or dead. They're supposed to know and love the famous repertoire of their instrument and have a life long goal to play everything perfectly and memorized with an orchestra in Carnegie Hall.

I don't! I think I've frustrated my teacher since I arrived at School because I don't really know the flute repertoire (though I'm getting better), and I only recognize the names of those who are old or dead. Whenever famous flute players come to town, it feels like I'm the only one in the studio that doesn't buzz with excitement and anticipation. I don't *need* to be there. I 'm now only doing flute choir because I need the credit to graduate. I only went to the flute convention this year to play politics (and, apparently, to spend a lot of money). I'm sick of hearing the same things from the conductors rehearsal after rehearsal after rehearsal, and I'm tired of knowing that I'll never be "the best."

I'm just glad that my apathy is showing signs of allowing me (at least...) to finish the school year (I hope!) without going completely crazy. It's not like it's no fun -- it still is -- I just don't derive as much fun as I have. Maybe as the ensembles get better I'll have more fun. Maybe it's just beginning of the semester blues. I'm also fairly certain that my lack of sleep over the last couple of months isn't helping, either. Right now, I'd love to sleep for about a week straight.

Oddly, I'm kind of looking forward to a job that I work for 40 hours a week with a lunch hour and the ability to just go home at night. Then maybe I can read books and learn how to do fun things that are in no way related to music.

Thoughts

2007-09-13T22:18:00.000-06:00

I'm getting married in a day and a half. For the most part, it just feels like the next step and like it just needs to happen. I have the occasional moment of !FREAK OUT!, but those moments are becoming fewer and further between. It's just time.

I really cannot endorse getting married during school. Even though this was just the 'right time' for us, doing so during a semester of school is pretty tough. Thankfully, my mom and I are of the minimalist sort, and she's been a huge help. I've just been able to toss things at her that need to be taken care of that I can't do because I have to be in class/rehearsal. She and "Anne" (who's helping with the reception and general wedding things) have been so much more detail-oriented than I could ever have been.

I'm learning that weddings, like life, have give-and-take. I put my foot down about things that really matter to me. With other things that I don't really care about, I let those who do care do something that makes them happy and that helps them to feel like they can contribute.

I'm really looking forward to getting to spend some time with my extended family and The Franchise's family, and I'm looking forward to being married. Despite my inability to stay completely afloat with school and practicing and all, life is pretty dang good.

Sorcerer's Apprentice

2007-08-28T15:17:00.000-06:00

I love Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's killer hard to play, but it's awesome. :)

It's too bad the girl I sit next to really doesn't like me.

The Franchise

2007-08-16T07:19:00.001-06:00

is awesome.

Really awesome. And very thoughtful. And very funny. And very sneaky. And very manly. And we're getting married soon, which is also awesome.

Thanks, love.

Sorry, Sister.

2007-08-04T01:33:00.001-06:00

Tonight The Franchise and I went to a party. It was a huge party, and it was fun. There was food. A lot of people were there.

I am a social person, so I can move through a room fairly easily without knowing many people and have not too many problems meeting people and creating friends. When I've attended social events with significant others in the past, one of my measuring sticks was seeing if they could handle themselves in a social situation without hanging on my arm. Unsurprisingly, and thankfully, The Franchise can do this. With much confidence. The Franchise has a lot of confidence, which attracts women (it worked for me...).

So there I am, talking to neighbors I haven't seen in a while, eating food, and moving about the room. The Franchise does the same. Not long after that, we stand together in a corner and (no, we were not making out!) (really.) were discussing some things. I left again to sort of wander, when I noticed a couple of girls approach him with their Feelers.

The Feelers are something that is born to most women I know, though they may be in varying strengths. The Feelers are what girls utilize to attempt to attract men. They communicate with their body language, how they laugh, how much they laugh, their eyes, topics of conversation, and level of enthusiasm. And if they choose to, other girls can ALWAYS tell when other girls are using the Feelers. (Girls may choose to ignore them and go for the guy anyway, but that's typically a conscious decision.)

These girls were totally trying to turn the charm on -- especially one girl. 1- I've never wanted to be the jealous, clingy girlfriend/fiancee/wife, and I make effort at not doing so. 2- I found the whole thing so amusing, and I didn't want to just laugh in her face. 3- The Franchise does a fabulous job of communicating how much he loves and cares for me, so I wasn't really concerned about her so-called wiles. I walked away, figuring The Franchise could handle himself.

He can. :) They chatted it up for a while. Turns out she's from near his Hometown, probably met him when they were teenagers, and was friends with a girl he dated. The Franchise is also a very smart and perceptive man, and totally sensed what this girl was up to. He managed to slip in that he'd moved from Houston to be with me. Though I couldn't hear what was going on, I thought I'd go get some more food and see if this girl was a long-lost pal from the past. I somehow managed to show up just as he was completing the How We Met story. After chatting just the three of us for a moment, and her confirming that I am, indeed, Cinderella, it was amazing how quickly she was gone.

In her defense, if you see an attractive man who doesn't appear to be with someone, and he's not wearing a ring, how the heck are you supposed to know that he's taken and will be married in about six weeks? You don't! I've been on the receiving end of that (though not this exact situation) and it's not fun.

And this is why men should start wearing engagement rings. Especially in Utah, and especially especially in the Provo area.

Yay!

2007-08-04T01:28:00.000-06:00

Today I took my car to the dealership, since it's still under warranty, and I had a couple of things that needed to be fixed before I could register it. The man at the dealership was SO nice and friendly and HONEST. He also did not treat me like I've been treated with car stuff: "Since you're a girl, you have no idea what you're talking about. I'm going to rip you off." He did exactly what was asked, fixed it, and sent me on my way. Then I went to get the oil changed at Jiffy Lube. Same thing. SO nice, SO considerate, no "You're stupid 'cause you're a girl" vibes. Very respectful. I think the car industry's gone into a customer service upheaval, and it's about time.

Wedding Vents Since I Can't Sleep

2007-07-29T23:28:00.000-06:00

Not that I don't appreciate it all, but why didn't you tell me that everything has strings attached?

If the dress has strings attached, guess what. I'm calling the lady, and she's going to stop the alterations and we're taking it back. We can not do the reception at the current planned location and we can move it somewhere else.

If you're worried about "making it up" or whatever, then pay her!

I can't even pick what I want without you two knocking it down! Since when did it become YOUR wedding, anyway?

Please don't think I'm not grateful. I am. Really. And I love you. Just....WHY does it have to be this complicated?

ARGH!

Ta-da!

2007-07-11T07:05:00.000-06:00

September 15th. It's a Saturday. It's also the day that I'll be marrying The Franchise. In some ways, it seems close. In some ways, it still seems like it'll never get here.

I've decided that I'm going kind of minimalist on wedding stuff. I'm not buying a wedding gown. Instead, I'm buying a really nice outfit with the money that I would have spent on a gown, only I'll be able to wear it more than just once! :)

I'm discovering that it is not easy to plan a minimalist wedding. The wedding industry is so massive and so crazy that it's difficult to know where to turn if you don't want all of the frills. Maybe I should start a support group. :)

It's nice to have a goal. It's nice to have a direction. It's nice to move on with life.

Being Cornered

2007-06-02T23:52:00.000-06:00

*** Warning: More Venting. Please do take the general vibe into consideration. (And there are exceptions. You know who you are. )***

If I could have a wish, it would be that I not be asked about wedding stuffs anymore. I'd be content to start with not having anyone ask anything related to "So, Cinderella, how are wedding plans?" for a whole 24 hours. Then maybe the next goal would be 48 hours, and so on. Maybe people would forget about it completely.

Yes, I do understand that people are excited for me and want to share in the happiness and joy. That's great. I feel loved. I really do. By the time that I rotate through everyone that I see on a more or less frequent basis, and everyone wants to check up, it feels like I'm being asked all the time by everyone. Am I overreacting? Probably. It's so annoying, though. Then I feel bad for being annoyed, when all people are wanting is to be nice and helpful. Can you tell I'm green? :)

And oddly enough, it's SO much less threatening when it's online than in person. In person, the person is standing there, waiting for an answer. I have social norms to uphold. Online, I can take my sweet time. I don't have to answer right away. There's so much less pressure, and I have a moment or two extra to word things exactly the way I want to.

I don't hate you. Please don't hate me.

Right now, there's not a date. When there is, I'll let you know.

Caffeine and Venting

2007-06-02T23:21:00.000-06:00

Okay, friends. I made the mistake tonight of drinking caffeine later than I should have and watching 24. So, here I am.

Before I start, this is a vent post. This means that the things I am venting about are not meant to offend those who may still read this every once in a while. If the things I'm about to discuss describe you perfectly, I probably don't actually hate you. So please don't hate me. They just need to be removed from the system, you know?

***************************************************************************************

Wedding stuff is not something I enjoy. As I just mentioned, I'm getting married. Contrary to the way things commonly seem to be, I do NOT look forward to planning "my wedding." I don't care about chair covers. Or sashes. Or flimsy chairs that "look elegant." Does it all look elegant? Yes. Can they make a room look fabulous? Absolutely. But have you even thought about what it takes the servers to put them up and take them down? It takes a LONG TIME. And will that much extra money make your marriage that much better? What about my student loans? What about my car payment? What if I'd like to have a couch to sit on or a table to eat dinner on?

I don't care about color coordination. I'm not going to be offended if anyone wears a particular color to my event. I find black to be an elegant color. (My cousin thinks it's bad luck for people to wear black to a wedding.) To my bridesmaids: You will not exist. Since you don't exist, I won't be buying you dresses, corsages, makeovers, haircuts or nail jobs. Or presents. Often, the colors that people pick don't look that great anyway, clash with the room, and will be out of style in six months. YES. Six months. Unless you pick like, red & black. Or navy blue and black.

As far as the wedding day goes, do not expect it to be perfect. It's not possible for it to be 100% perfect. If you think it will be, you are wrong. If everything goes perfectly for the ceremony and the dress and the flowers, something will happen with the cake. If it doesn't, something will happen with the dinner (like the servers might bring out the wrong dressing. Or spill cranberry juice on your wedding gown). They won't mean to do it. It'll just happen. Or 10 guests will all say that they're allergic to shellfish when you order a dinner entree for the party that has a seafood sauce. They'll say that whether they actually ARE, or whether they're too picky to just remove the offending chunks of the sauce. Then it'll slow down the serving staff, but you'll be tempted to be mad at them anyway, even though they're trying their best. It's not like they're sitting back in the back, thinking it'd be funny if they just ignored you.

I just don't care. It's too much energy. It's too much work. And I'll just end up offending people that I care about that do care about stuff like that. But when I see it all the time, it just gets really old really quickly. No, I do not care about being a "Princess for the Day." No, it's not "My Day." No, I have not been planning my wedding day since age 12. And no, I will not be hiring someone to sing "Sunrise, Sunset" during any part of my "event."

{End Rant....for now}

Oh, By The Way...

2007-06-02T23:14:00.001-06:00

I imagine most of you know by now that I am engaged. We don't have a date yet. Yes, I'm okay with that.

New Roommates

2007-05-12T08:55:00.000-06:00

Sadly, Violin Roommate moved out about two and a half weeks ago. I think that she'll go down in Cinderella History has my favorite roommate (while single) ever. It was nice to have a music major roommate who was gone at least as often (if not more so) than I was, at similar things. With both of us doing it, we didn't get so much of the "why aren't you around very much?" and "why do you always have to practice?" We're quite similar in some ways, and different in others that complimented each other. *sigh* She is definitely missed.

The new roommate in her spot is Landlord's Granddaughter (LG for short). LG, as far as I can tell, is not LDS, and her boyfriend is here much more often than not. (Yes. Take it that way.) So now, I have five roommates instead of just four, and there is a coffee pot with coffee in our house. I came home last night to the smell of coffee. In small doses, coffee can smell pretty good. Since a lot of my mom's side of the family isn't LDS and does drink coffee, the smell often reminds me of them. I don't mind walking into a Starbucks and getting a whiff while I wait for my occasional vanilla steamed milk. For some reason, though, I was bothered by smelling it when I came home from work last night. Oh well. At least I won't be living here that much longer.

Shy Roommate thinks that our landlord may be wanting to sell our house sometime soon. He's given LG a credit card solely, it seems, to buy things the house needs and to fix it up. I hear that she's planning on painting the outside of the house soon. She's purchased a vacuum cleaner and a lawn mower so far (not including the free hot tub that Orange found on craigslist). I feel bad for my roommates. This has been a pretty good house to live in, with unbelievably low rent and a great location. Oh, well. Will I miss it? I dunno. :)

Junior Recital

2007-04-02T17:03:00.000-06:00

Hi, all!

I was just wanting to let those who are interested know that I have my junior recital coming up and would love for you to come. It will be on April 15th (a Sunday). If you are interested in details, feel free to contact me. If you have an alternate method of contacting me besides my blog, that's the preference. If not, we'll work something out. :)

To whom it may concern:

2007-03-26T09:46:00.000-06:00

I do not condone infidelity.

I've tried to be considerate and sensitive, but I also have my own life to live.

It's an online forum. Do we need to have yet another discussion on why it's so hard to communicate not in person?

There is a loyalty framework that I have never belonged to. I probably never will.

I think it's time to focus on real people that live in my relative vicinity that I can be friends with.

Good bye, Blue Beta.

HooRAY for Wireless!

2007-03-02T14:33:00.000-07:00

I must confess my happiness (bordering on giddiness) at the recently acquired wireless at the music building. It makes me wonderfully happy. :D :D

I also figured out how to make it work on my laptop, when it wouldn't before. I am awesome, and I rock. :)

Happy Birthday to Me.

2007-02-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday, and I'm 23 years old. It hasn't quite hit me yet. It's been an interesting birthday so far, as it comes at a time of deep reflection. So many things seem to be hanging in the balance right now, and I'm not really sure what to do with that. I've been realizing a lot lately - how critically important some things are in my life, and how drastically unimportant other things are. Sometimes it's still hard to make heads or tails of any of it.

I'm thankful that there are a few constants in my life -- places that I can always turn, no matter what. That's definitely been a source of comfort of late.

Life's interesting. It's definitely to be enjoyed, but sometimes to be gotten through as well. I guess it's a matter of balance.

1:30 am

2007-02-14T01:30:00.001-07:00

I'm going to try to go to sleep. I'm getting up in 5 hours.

12:49 am

2007-02-14T00:49:00.001-07:00

This is me. Still awake, even though I have class in less than seven hours.

I have decided!

2007-01-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

I have almost officially decided that if I do a grad program, it will not be in music. Music is a great thing. I love playing the flute. I love my ensembles, but I'm sick of everything else. :) What a great hobby to have, now that I've racked up a good amount in student loans and spent 4.5 years just in college, with 1.5 to go, devoted to this marvelous hobby.

*sigh*

It's about joy in the journey, right?

New Semester!

2007-01-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

Wow. I've really not been good at posting lately, have I?

Life finally feels back to normal in terms of school. My director's back (yay!), and I moved up two chairs. It's really, really nice. (Pops Concert on Feb. 5th if anyone's interested. E-mail me or leave a comment for details. It's going to be great.) I'm taking Counterpoint & Analysis and Music History. I have the most amazing Music History professor ever, but unfortunately, he's retiring this year. Counterpoint's not terribly exciting yet, as we're being reminded about basic Common Practice part-writing rules. "Do you remember how to prepare and resolve sevenths?" "Do you remember how strong chord progressions operate, and how that differs between major and minor keys?" "Do you remember how to build and resolve chords from a figured bass?" and that sort of thing. I'll admit, it is nice to have a refresher. It'll be interesting when we're asked to write two- and three-part exercises. They seem easier than four-part writing, but they're actually harder, since you don't have the whole chord there. It seems (at least as far as I can gather from the two real class periods I've been to) that it's more about a basic tonality. This should be... interesting.

In History, we're studying the 20th century. As Dr. M put it, "It's the century that people love to hate." Schoenberg, Berg and Webern (to name a few) were brilliant, and all that, but bleh. Not my favorite thing to listen to. I probably won't be buying a Schoenberg album any time soon. Then he reminded us what was starting in America -- Jazz! I *love* Jazz. It's been really interesting to see how music has affected history, and how history has affected music. Unfortunately, I value a lot of today's pop music even less.

Flute choir and orchestra are also a lot of fun. If anyone's looking for something fun and atypical to do on Valentine's Day, I happen to be having an orchestra concert that night. We've improved significantly since last semester. We're playing a lot of cool stuff, and I have some fun solos. We have a flute choir concert in February, I think, but the exciting concert with that will be our very own concert at the Assembly Hall on Temple Square in March. I'm looking forward to that.

Life's pretty good right now. I'm going swing dancing tonight, I got to sleep in (sleep, glorious sleep...) and have just been sitting here for the last hour and a half, just sitting, reading, writing, and not going anywhere. On Monday, I'll get to play MarioKart 64, which I'm really excited about. I got to spend some time with The Franchise and his family just after Christmas, and I'm looking forward to his return.

Maybe I should like, go eat something.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T08:55:00.001-07:00

"God bless us, every one."

It's been a while, hasn't it?

2006-12-24T00:15:00.000-07:00

Things I'm Thankful For:

* I got work off of Job1 and Job2 this next week so that I can go and visit The Franchise's family.
* I'm really looking forward to it.
* I have time to read. (My latest was Tuesdays with Morrie. I liked it.)
* I get to hang out, eat food, watch a little football, watch Christmas movies, and relax.
* I get to wrap presents. :)
* I get to play the piano and sing!
* I get to play my flute. (Wish me luck on upcoming Wind Ensemble re-auditions.)
* No more finals!
* I get to be with my family for Christmas, and with The Franchise shortly thereafter.
* People I love are patient with me.
* I have people that I love and that love me.

P.S. Congratulations to the BYU and Utah football teams on their bowl wins.

December the 3rd

2006-12-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

*sigh*

Breathe. Just breathe.

Go BYU!

2006-11-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

You may not believe me, but this title is not in jest.

I am a fan of BYU football.

No, I am not lying.

For those of you who may be scratching your head in confusion, let me help you out. Notice the placement of the word 'football.' Notice that it's there. I still say that Current School of Choice is the best place for me to be. School and football are not necessarily the same.

I was, however, raised in the home of BYU football fans. I happen to be spending a lot of time with an avid BYU fan. It's amazing how easy it can be to become interested in the things your interest finds interesting.

For those who may be confused as to why this is very significant in my life, let me somewhat briefly sketch the background.

I started piano lessons when I was five. When the kids my age were learning to play sports, I was practicing the piano. When I was in junior high and high school, I picked up the flute and was involved in a bit of drama. Still no interest in football. I have memories of watching my normally very composed and mellow father get excited, jump up and down and yell at the TV while watching a BYU game. Can we say....bewildering?

My freshman year at the Y, I was taking 16-ish (I think...) credits, was working part time, was on the swing team, and was in the marching band. I dove into all of this not having any sort of concept of the time involved with all of these things. Especially marching band. I'd plan to catch up on homework on a particular Saturday, only to have forgotten that it was a Game Day. Marching band steps off to do pre-game stuff an HOUR before kickoff, and is required to stay until the very last moment of the game. I hadn't been planning to take an entire six hours (or more, plus the six hours of rehearsal during the week) out of my Saturday to freeze to death (I also had very severe anemia). I knew that each team had an endzone, and that they were trying to get the ball to the opposite endzone to get a touchdown. That was about all I knew. Then, I'd get to the game and look around me. I'd see fans that were out of control about the goings on of the game. I quickly got to thinking that football was just an excuse for men to go back to their neanderthalic roots, and I was NOT impressed. At all. I vowed to never attend a live football game ever again if I could help it.

To make things a little shorter here, I reached the low point of my bitterness, and started to find myself a little curious. What could draw people so strongly? Why would people arrive at my place of employment (a bookstore) wearing [team's color] head to toe and still happily spend hundreds of dollars for more stuff?

Almost a year ago, Scottro hosted a football party. By this time, I'd decided that enough was enough, and that if I was going to function in the world, I needed to be able to have a basic foundation of what this sport was all about and why it ran peoples' lives. Figuring that there would be people there that I respected and that had the potential of being knowledgeable and helpful, I decided to go. (Great chili and other friends being there helped too, of course.) Much to my amazement, the men in the room did not act like neanderthals! Even better, they were willing to answer my questions! They were able to cheer, and be quite excited, but they seemed to be somewhat dignified about it. And they weren't annoyed with me, either. I was SO pleased, and had a great time.

Fast forward about five months. I started dating The Franchise, and things seemed to be going well. I decided it was really time to figure out a thing or two about sports. So I bought a cool book. About sports. Learned the basics. That created a framework, so now, I just learn from the best. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes knowing some of the inner workings of the sport. I watched my first whole football game over fall break - USC vs. Washington. It was great! I just watched the entire BYU/New Mexico game this weekend. SO fun. The more I learn, the more I can follow, and the more I enjoy.

Who knew that being a BYU fan could be so...unifying?

I make a very dry martini. I make a very wet souffle...

2006-11-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the concert went pretty well. We did not fall apart, despite the fact that the first time the Copland was played all the way through was on stage during the concert. Unfortunately, the Beethoven was the weakest. That made no sense to me, but whatever.

What a bizarre semester. That's all I can say.

Oh, and the Gala concert is this Saturday eve. Should be a lot of fun.

Symphony Orchestra

2006-11-01T15:13:00.000-07:00

...is tonight. I don't recommend coming, but I can't stop you if you want to come. We're playing a Copland, a Sibelius, the last three of five movements of Beethoven's Sixth Symphony, and a Weber concerto with Viola solo.

It'll be . . .interesting, to say the least. I'm the most worried about Copland. I don't recall having played it all the way through. Ever.

Concert Tonight!

2006-10-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

Wind Ensemble, 7:30. Paula Crider conducting. Should be fun. Student tix are $3. Let me know if you want to come.

One word.

2006-10-27T00:26:00.000-06:00

All I can say is, Wow.

Apollo 13

2006-10-13T21:57:00.000-06:00

After showing some pictures of my trip to my family, my dad naturally wanted to watch Apollo 13. It's amazing how much more this movie means to me after seeing the Saturn V and Historic Mission Control in person. It's amazing that they did what they did with the technology they didn't have.

Oh. . .and if you're ever in Houston, close to NASA, go to Frenchie's. Good food. I recommend the crepes, if you're not too opposed to mushrooms.

Pet Peeve

2006-10-03T15:46:00.000-06:00

To the freshman flute player who has come in during my lesson two weeks in a row:

Strep is contagious. So is the flu. Please, just call Susan and let her know you can't come to flute choir. I'm flying to Houston in a day and a half. I'd really like to NOT get the flu before then.

Yeah...it drives me crazy when people come to school when they're really sick. Especially as music majors. We can't afford to get sick, either!

To all freshmen out there: Going to bed at decent hours is a good thing. Trust me.

I've Got the World on a String

2006-10-03T13:29:00.000-06:00

Amusingly, the opinion request was about the new blog format. I got bored with it, switched to beta (thanks, Bawb!) and decided to mess around with it.

Thanks, JB and Eleka.*

LB: I can understand your frustrations with women not taking compliments. My roommates (bless their hearts) have a difficult time with that, too. Especially Shy and Violin. Great girls, but all they can see are their own shortcomings and weaknesses.

Maybe I should write a post sometime on "Why It Seems Women Have A Difficult Time Accepting Compliments." :)

Maybe if guys (in general) were more prone to giving no-strings-attached-compliments more often (like, a LOT more often), girls (in general) would get used to them and would be more ready and willing to accept them? I think sometimes that the rarity of compliments makes for a bit of paranoia. Any guy says anything complimentary (especially a stranger), and our inclination is to wonder, "What does he want from me?"

The non-creepy older (50+) guys at my work are so sweet. This morning, I got "Hey, beautiful, thanks for bringing those books up." Last week, from a different one, I got "I just love your green eyes." They're really nice, and very appropriate. They're excited for me that I get to go out to Houston this weekend. They're my friends. I've had to make myself chill out and say, "They're just being nice, Cinderella. They don't want anything from you." Maybe it's a generational thing. Maybe it's not. The Franchise is really great at being complimentary. :)

*I must admit, Eleka, that I have not actually seen Pay It Forward. I had to Google it to know what you were talking about. :)

P.S. This was not meant to be a repeat of the other post, even though it kind of turned out that way anyway. Oops! :)

Ready, Set, Go.

2006-09-28T15:52:00.000-06:00

Opinions?

A Challenge

2006-09-25T23:59:00.000-06:00

I am issuing a challenge:

Help me come up with a way to convince women (as a whole) that we are more physically beautiful than we give ourselves credit. SOOOOOO many women feel fat and "funny-looking," when they should NOT. Like Violin Roommate. I love her, but dang. That girl needs some self-confidence.

Guys, I am issuing a separate challenge in addition to helping me figure this out: The next time you see a woman of your acquaintance that you think is beautiful, I want you to tell her. It doesn't have to be "I think you're beautiful. Want to make out/go out/whatever?" I don't think it matters if you have a SO or not. Do it in a non-creepy way, with no strings attached, and just let her know that you think she is beautiful. Even better. . . say it to the next five women. Or even better. . . tell three different women every day. I cannot fully express the impact this could have on the women you know. And if I had to guess, if there are other guys around when you do this, maybe they'll pick up on it, too. Maybe they'll go home and tell their wives they think they're beautiful. The world would be a much better place - and trust me, guys, you'll reap the benefits - if every woman knew how beautiful she is.

*Edit: I changed half of the grammar, but not the other half. How funny. :D

Amusing Card

2006-09-25T20:10:00.000-06:00

I saw this card, and laughed:

"Reasons at Halloween why pumpkins are better than men:"

* They're always there on the front porch waiting for you.
* No matter what mood you're in, they always greet you with a big smile!
* Every year, a whole new crop to choose from.
* One makes a better pie.
* If you don't like his looks, you can just carve him a new face.
* If he starts smelling up the place, you can always just toss him in the street.
* Squash is a source of beta-carotene, and that's good for you.
* You know a pumpkin has an empty, mush-filled head from the get go.

And opening the card. . .

*A pumpkin's turned on only when you want him to be.

:-D

My head is back to normal. . . sort of.

2006-09-20T23:37:00.000-06:00

The spinning has stopped (at least temporarily), but I am getting a cold. Thus why I cannot say that my head is completely back to normal.

To the girl walking down the stairs from textbooks in a skirt that is way too short: "Do you have any idea why that's probably a Pretty Bad Idea?" I find myself getting irritated with women who are dressed inappropriately. "Do you have any idea what this does to the men around you?"

Today's rehearsal was awesome. It was the first rehearsal I think I've been excited for yet, and the time went by SO fast. The concert's going to be pretty cool.

Is Fall Break here yet?

How about now?

Now?

Head starting to spin.

2006-09-19T12:52:00.000-06:00

I just got an e-mail from my mom that is kind of unsettling. I just got a whole lot more to think about.

Grrr.

2006-09-15T01:09:00.000-06:00

I am not happy with my body right now.

It won't go to sleep, it feels weird, and I have class in 6.5 hours. There's also a really loud cricket right outside my window, and it's driving me crazy. Rrr.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm trying to decide whether or not I should keep Job2. I have some large-ish purchases coming up, and I don't like the feeling of scraping by. On the other hand, in the non-financial world of my life, it's quite detrimental. I don' t have enough time to practice or focus on the other areas of my life that need my attention.

I am tired of school. I'm just ready to be done and move into a different phase of my life. Plus, this is just a weird semester for the School of Music. It is just... not good. Morale in Wind Ensemble is low. There are just a lot of weird things going on. I don't know. I'm kind of ready for a change. Music is a big part of me, it's true, but there is so much out there. Physical therapy sounds interesting. Lots of things sound interesting. Having a "real" job sounds interesting. Being out of Utah sounds interesting. Going on a mission...does not sound interesting. :)

Bah, humbug.

(I really am doing quite well, though. If my body would behave a little better, it would make my life that much happier.)

Concert Dates

2006-09-13T22:33:00.000-06:00

Wind Ensemble:
Sept. 27th (Conducted by Craig Jessop)
The pieces I'm excited for: Ghost Train (Eric Whitacre), Candide (Leonard Bernstein) and an Alfred Reed piece that I can't remember the title of. It's latino-esque.
Oct. 30th
Dec. 1st

Flute Choir:
Oct. 12
Nov. 17
Dec. 3 (Yes, a Sunday.)

Symphony Orchestra
Nov. 1 (Not going to be fantastic, but we are playing Beethoven's 6th Symphony. I like it. :) )

If anyone actually wants to come and needs more detailed info, let me know.

Overdue Topic Number One: Ensembles.

2006-09-13T22:22:00.000-06:00

Okay. Here goes some catching up.

First, some background. The World of Music is not a kind one. At all. Especially in Utah. To *really* get anywhere, one has to be willing to devote as much time as possible to one's instrument, and if one's soul is available, it helps to sell that, too. I refuse to do both. However, I had *somehow* (insert eye roll here) managed to convince myself that since I had worked really hard last year and had played the most over this last summer than I ever have any other summer combined, that I'd have "a shot" at things and that I'd be in the "club."

I was wrong.

On the second day of school, while on a short break at Job1, I literally ran down to the music building to check the list. I looked at the Philharmonic (top orchestra) list first. All I wanted was second chair. Nothing. A* (who's graduating this year) is principal (which I'm ok with), and L* is 2nd chair, with C* as piccolo. L* is a freshman who has been taking lessons from my teacher for the last eight years. Hmm. Okay, fine. Principal in Symphony Orchestra (night orchestra)? Nope. Not even in that. At all. Huh. 0 for 2. Okay, Wind Ensemble. At least I've moved up a couple of chairs, right? Nope. Last chair. Again.

Let's just say that I was pretty disappointed. LJ, who was 2nd chair in Wind Ensemble and principal in night orchestra was bumped to 4th chair in Wind Ensemble. She was supposed to be principal again in night orchestra, but couldn't fit it in her schedule, so now I am. It's fun, I guess. The 2nd chair in Wind Ensemble? M*, the other freshman who has also taken lessons from my teacher for the last eight years. Huh. C* is 1st chair of second flute, then LJ, then me. L*, the 2nd chair flute in Phil is also picc in Wind Ensemble. Hmm.

Ah, well. I was pretty upset that day. However, over the last few weeks, I've come to see that it is a Really Good Thing that auditions turned out how they did. It's actually given me so much more freedom than I could have expected. I think it's going to be a really great thing.

It's funny.

2006-09-12T07:17:00.000-06:00

I have three things I want to blog about now, but every time I find some time to sit down and do it, I either forget what they were, or I don't feel like it.

Hopefully I'll get around to them soon.

First Day Of School

2006-08-23T15:16:00.000-06:00

Just for kicks, I'm going to use a different font.

First day of school went something like this:

Class, class, check the list, make a couple of phone calls. Class. Check the list again. Still nothing. Walk home, eat some food, walk to Job1. Deal with magazines for the first time on my own while dealing with 3 billion people walking through the store. 2.99 billion of those people asked, "Where are the textbooks?" Ran back, got flute, check list, nothing, realized that I don't actually have rehearsal until Friday. Walked home.

"Make up auditions" are today from 2-4, and they're auditioning more winds. I'll definitely know by tomorrow.

I'm trying to NOT fall asleep, because then I won't be tired tonight. That would be bad. I need to get myself on a good sleep schedule. I should go up to school and practice, but I don't want to. Well, I should probably do something besides continuing to ramble.

I also need a haircut.

Complete at last, perhaps.

2006-08-21T23:55:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow, Violin Roommate will be moving in. I'm really excited. More on her later.

There will be five of us living here again: Me, Shy Roommate, Negatively Orange Roommate, Sporty Spice Roommate (She's not British, but it fits her...) and Violin Roommate.

Negatively Orange has been driving me a little crazy of late, and she'll come whining to me that "the internet is broken" in a couple of days.

Sporty Spice could be a lot cooler than I'd originally anticipated. I was intimidated by her sense of fashion and seeming to be "too cool." I actually kind of had a real conversation with her today. It was nice. Should I ever have questions on clothing or makeup (ya know...that girly stuff that I sorta have time for), she'll be invaluable. Hmmm....

Shy is that...shy. She's also really, really funny if/when she gets comfortable with people. She is so awesome, but is afraid of her awesomeness and her attractiveness to men. If she *really* understood those two things, she'd be able to turn just about any guy to putty. Seriously.

I'm SO excited for Violin to move in. Our families have known each other for a long time. It'll be really nice, I think, to have a fellow music major (but not competition) in the house. She's so sweet. We'll be able to go to concerts together, and just talk. I have the feeling that we're going to become really great friends. She plays the violin divinely. I don't have enough good things to say about that girl. She's also pretty fashion-savvy, from what I can tell.

School starts on Wednesday. I'm pretty excited, but a little nervous. I want to know what ensemble(s) I'm in this year. At the same time, though, it still doesn't feel like it's time for school. This summer (or was it just this month?) flew by. Other aspects....didn't. :)

The Lord definitely moves in mysterious ways.

Random Thoughts

2006-08-17T00:24:00.000-06:00

Marshmallow Mateys are great at 12:20 am.

I am 22.5 years old today. Okay, well, yesterday (if you're going to be technical).

With Job2, and "getting" to go to wedding receptions of more or less close friends and bridal showers of close friends, I've decided there is too much...fluff in the world. I think the world would be a sadder place if it were completely devoid of fluff, but too much is like eating too much sugar without enough real food. : P

Going to said bridal shower reaffirmed that I only go to bridal showers of really, really, really good friends. Women are great. They are. I have started to click in to why it's important to have Relief Society around, believe it or not. Even with the realization that Relief Society can be pretty great, that is still only one hour per week with that volume of women. I'm really not used to more than that. The bridal shower was fairly overwhelming. This can easily launch into a discussion of "Why Cinderella is feminine, but not 'girly.'"

P.S. If I choose to not go to your bridal shower, it does not necessarily mean that I don't consider you to be a good friend.

There was, in fact, a sunset tonight. It was a gorgeous one. I had a great view, too, being on the 9th floor. *sigh*

*sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh*
*sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh*
*sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh**sigh*

Movies

2006-08-09T15:21:00.000-06:00

In organizing my room today, I've decided that I need to acquire more guy-type movies.

It dawned on me tonight.

2006-08-02T22:43:00.000-06:00

I'm hot. Dang.

Boys at BYU

2006-08-01T12:12:00.000-06:00

After our event last night at Job2, "Jenni" was talking about her freshman boys that she had liked her first year at the Y and how they were all either gone or leaving on missions, and "I just don't know what I'm going to do about the RMs."

Jenni is probably 5'8" or 9" (I'm bad at guessing height), is thin, has long legs, long curly hair, gorgeous eyes and a darling smile. She's gorgeous. She's also really nice. And 19. After mentioning that I had gone to BYU for two years before transferring, and that I had something of a theory on dating down there, she perked up and started asking me lots of questions. So, I imparted what I'd noticed and tried to piece together. I'm going to be making some pretty broad generalizations here, so don't be too offended if you don't fit. Most of the people reading my blog probably don't, anyway.

***Guys can stop reading here.***

I've noticed that guys tend to be 50% chicken and 50% very, very cocky. They also like being in charge. They also often act like kids in a candy shop, since there are so many attractive girls around. They like knowing whether or not a girl is interested.

While I was there, I was not great at masking if I was interested in a guy or not. I kept hearing a lot of advice to women: "Men are not-so-smart and quite oblivious. If you like a guy, let him know!!" In case anyone's wondering, this does not work. It seems to threaten the guy's masculinity, and more importantly, strips the "chase" aspect of things. All of a sudden, the guy no longer needs to "waste" time on you, because he already knows you like him. You may have become part of his "harem." (I'm also pretty convinced that if a guy has at least half a brain, half a sense of drive, is relatively good looking and at least a little talented, he will have no less than five women following him around.) The 50% chicken comes in when he "knows" (or thinks he knows) that you're not interested at all. Instead of pursuing to find out, he'll jump ship. (This isn't necessarily a bad thing, as there are plenty of men who can't take a hint.)

Also, during my time there, I really did not have a firm sense of self. Like, really really did not have a firm sense of self. So, if I heard my latest crush talking about something that he preferred or didn't like or whatever, I would take that to heart and adapt as immediately as I could. I still do this to a smaller degree. However, what I didn't realize is that a lot of guys like it when you challenge them on things. They like it when you have your own opinions about things, and reasons why. I think guys were subconsciously picking up on my willingness to become what I thought they wanted me to be. Girls, don't do this. I'm pretty sure they also picked up on my subconscious "Dang, I'd realllllly like to be in A relationship."

Another part of the 50% chicken is that you can flirt like MAD with most guys in Provo, and they will not ask you out. (It was really odd when I moved. I could have a great conversation, sparkage and all, and guys would actually *gasp* ask for my phone number! Can you imagine? Not only that, they'd actually CALL! It was amazing.)

So, since I didn't have to worry about actually being asked out, I decided to test my hypothesis. Next time I was around a guy, I would give 50% "I'm TOTALLY into you" vibes and 50% "Ehh....I'm not so sure" vibes. On a more personal note, I had also done a lot of soul-searching, and had gained a much much firmer sense of self. I also told my subconscious to change its opinion. My conscious and subconscious were on the same page: "My life is just fine without you. Why would I need you around, anyway?" (Just giving off that vibe does wonders. )

Voila! It was amazing. The poor soul couldn't tell if I was interested or not. I'd definitely piqued his curiosity, but he wasn't gutsy enough to do anything about it. (In all honesty, I can't even remember who it was. I just remembered the reaction.) I was surprised and pleased with the results, and decided to keep trying it out. It kept working.

Since discovering this and putting it to use, I have not lacked for male friends or interests. Yes, it even works on non-BYU guys. Thankfully, I don't need to employ this anymore. I do still need to be careful, though, as I'm told that I'm flirtatious even when I'm not trying.

Anyway, the conversation with Jenni ended something like this:

Jenni: "Okay, that's awesome, and I understand all of that, but now what I'm concerned with is how do I get the date in the first place?"

Me: "Trust me, hon. You won't need to worry about that."

Maybe she will. She is, after all, nice.

I. am. tired.

2006-07-30T22:24:00.000-06:00

In case the title wasn't a subtle enough tribute, I. am. tired.

I've learned that I can only push my body's sleep and stress boundaries so far before it starts sending warning signals that it will, in fact, shut down if I continue. Shut down = Get sick enough to knock me out for a few days, forcing me to rest and get better. It was reaching that point on the good ol' 24th, but I gave it a few days of nothingness in Idaho. Surprisingly, my sore throat is still around, and my neck muscles are still quite sore.

The last 5 weeks or so have been really, really good. However, I've been averaging approximately 5 hours of sleep a night. My body prefers eight. It's taken its toll, but been very worth it. Sadly, I will not get to sleep on a bed tonight like I'd anticipated. On the flip side, though, my laptop (thanks to my wonderful father) is now updated and secured and all that good stuff.

I like Hometown. I grew up here. I know lots of people here. CollegeTown, though, is feeling a lot more like home these days. It's nice to feel like I want to go home, and to have that be not my family's house. (CollegeTown, by the way, is not really a college town. Thank Heaven.)

Ok. Time for bed. Good night.

What the...?

2006-07-21T22:51:00.000-06:00

An e-mail I got from my Elders' Quorum President:

(Subject: Missed You)

[Cinderella],

I'm sorry you couldn't make it to the Elders' Quorum activity
tonight.It was fun to be able to serve the sisters.  Hope all is
well in you[r] life.

-[EQP]-

What on earth? Coming from the EQP, I might expect "We missed you at church on Sunday." He and I aren't really even friends. We're barely acquaintances. Is he being a zealous EQP? Is he trying to hit on me? What's the deal? I don't get it. I don't really even go to Enrichment, let alone an EQ activity involving washing the sisters' cars. *Shrug* I was on a double date. Hmmm. Double date with The Franchise who happens to be leaving soon.......EQ activity......double date.....EQ activity.....Um, yeah. I think I'll be spending time with The Franchise before he leaves. Not even a hard decision. :)

24

2006-07-21T00:49:00.000-06:00

I just watched my first two episodes of the first season of 24. I can see why almost everyone I know is addicted to it, and I can see why Jack Bauer rocks.

The Franchise is awesome.

Inkheart

2006-07-19T16:18:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading the book Inkheart. It's a children's book that has been on the Bestsellers list for a while. My brother and sister liked it, so I thought I'd give it a shot. It was ok. It's the story of a girl and her father who are able to pull characters out of their respective books when they read aloud. It was cute, but too long, and not fast enough. The ending also left something wanting. *shrug* I'm done, and now it's time to move on. I'll probably get back into that sports book I purchased not too long ago.

Yes, I purchased a book about sports. I figure it's about time for me to learn a little, since I'm dating Someone who is WAY into them. He seems to be willing to teach me, but I'd like to have at least a basic understanding. It's called The Smart Girl's Guide to Sports. It's great. Despite my father's best efforts (and even, once or twice, my mom's), I did not understand what a down was. Now I do. :) For the first time, probably ever, I'm actually looking forward to football season. This is new for me, but I'm sure it will be good for me. Expanding my horizons, ya know, and all that. It's too bad, really, that The Franchise will be in Houston. I'm sure his experience and expertise would be quite valuable.

Oh? (With raised eyebrow)

2006-07-13T15:57:00.000-06:00

I have to think, "Ha! I'll show you, music people!" instead of, "Oh, no! Will I be good enough to make Wind Ensemble and Orchestra?" Thinking the latter so much is not going to bode well.

So there! (At least it's a good start...)

"'Lucius turns and screams.' Ahhhhhhhhh!"

2006-07-11T11:37:00.000-06:00

There is a stranger living in my house! She's cute, tan, exotic, wears short skirts, has perfect hair and loves U of U football. This will take some adjusting. She doesn't even feel like a roommate. She feels like someone who's staying here for a few days or maybe a week. This could be interesting. Today was only the second time I've actually seen her, and it was for about 10 seconds. *shrug*

After talking to a co-worker today, I realized that my life is pretty good. She's fighting several uphill battles, and it's about to get harder for her. She's a single mom with two kids. They're visiting their dad for the summer, and one of her kids wants to stay with him. If he does, she'll lose child support, which is half of a house payment. Her mom's getting sicker, and it's getting harder to take care of her. Not only are these taxing on her financially, but she's hanging on by a thread emotionally. I'm sure I'm not even scratching the tip of the iceberg. That woman is barely hanging on, and I don't know how she does it, but she absolutely amazes me. Her courage....just...everything. I really have so much and have been so blessed. I don't deserve it.

"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." (Oops! Quote now corrected.)

Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

2006-07-03T12:40:00.000-06:00

Ohhhhhhh NO. Of the three of us that will continue to live in this house, I seem to have the strongest perceptions of people. I'm irritated that I didn't get to meet New Roommate in advance, because I probably would have put my foot down and said no. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. Maybe I'm not being fair. Maybe I just need to get to know her. At this point, I'm feeling like I would rather have paid extra rent for the month of July. :P Negatively Orange Roommate seems pretty excited about her, and probably convinced Shy House Manager to let her move in, since we "needed" a roommate in four days. Maybe it's just the half-naked, tattooed men (blech!) that are moving her stuff in. No, they're not from a moving company. Even Other Engaged Roommate gave me the "eye." I am SO glad that I now live in a room that has a key to it. Grrr.

Life has a funny way of throwing things at you that you're not expecting. I'm also pretty sure that God has a pretty good sense of humor. I couldn't have imagined that life would be as good as it is right now. Even with my shaky feelings about the new roommate, it'll work out. (I hope she doesn't mind my practicing!) School, jobs, moving, loving, practicing, talking, being with, teasing, tickling, kissing, summer, books, movies, lessons, beautiful weather, trusting, hugging, walking, yeah. Good, good stuff. It'll work out. Life has a funny way of working out the way that it's supposed to, whether or not it coincides with how WE think it should work out.

Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day.

2006-06-27T13:02:00.000-06:00

The sun is shining brightly, it's not too hot, and I have the swamp cooler on. I'm eating some good lunch, may put on a movie, and will most definitely practice. Life is good.

As of tomorrow, Missionary Brother will have been in the MTC for three weeks. It's pretty awesome. He's starting to get things in his new language, which is good. He's been kind of frustrated. He's already in a leadership position, and from what my mom says, a lot of missionaries look up to him. He's such a good kid.

I think that "snicker boy" got the hint (thank Heaven!) that I'm not interested. He hasn't called since we went out.

I'm moving down to the bedroom on the ground floor this weekend. I'm kind of excited. It's nice to change things up a bit from time to time. I even have a skeleton key for my doors. :)

Cars was very fun, and the company was quite enjoyable.

Snicker....the LAST stand

2006-06-14T16:04:00.000-06:00

The picnic was sacked because of inclement weather, which I was very pleased about. We had ham sandwiches in the car and then saw X3. Yes, I liked it just as much the second time. Hugh Jackman is a very attractive man on many different levels. So, even though the date was boring, at least it's over, I got to watch the attractive men in X3, and it wasn't an evening gig. I still have plenty of time to practice.

I'm so tired of boring and/or awkward dates. It's just not worth it. With some people, I can talk with them for hours, and it's not nearly enough time. With other people, it's like pulling teeth to maintain a decent conversation, and I'm so grateful when the previews start. And no, I'm not impressed when you're 23 or 24 and have decided that it's finally time to get serious about school. To each their own, but sorry. Not attractive.

Grrr...

I think I might be allergic to lameness.

snicker, part II

2006-06-09T00:10:00.000-06:00

Turns out Ambrosia was right.

Those fingers in my hair....that sly, "come hither" stare that strips my conscience bare, it's witchcraft.

2006-06-08T23:44:00.000-06:00

Patience, [Cinderella], patience.

Missionary Brother left yesterday. I can honestly say that Tuesday night was more difficult than Wednesday. Wednesday would have been tougher, but I made myself not cry, and I refused to watch him walk to the other side of the room. I got close. I was choking, but I didn't cry.

I've been more sensitive to life lately. It's good, I think, because I'd rather feel stuff than be dead to the world, but I'm sure it annoys the guys around me. Thank Heaven I've mostly been around family lately.

It amazes me that you can mean so much to some people and other people just brush you aside.

Guy2 is now engaged. He's so happy, and I'm very happy for him. I almost got to meet his fiancee, but she didn't show up while I was at his place. It was really odd last night. I dreamt that he and I were hanging out, and that he kept trying to kiss me. "[Guy2], you're engaged!" "So what?" *shove* "You can't kiss me!" "Why not?" *another attempt to kiss me* *shove* "Hello!! What about J****!?!" "It doesn't matter!" *shove* "Yes it does!! Go away!" *shove* Weird. Funny, but very weird.

I'm starting to get it through my head that Hometown is a completely different world, and that maybe that world is surreal. It's been so nice to be with my family this week, but I think I'm ready to go back to 'real life.'

I think, SC, that fiction vs. reality are very subjective to one's own life. Does optimism necessarily have to be fiction? There are lots of horrible, terrible things in life, but there are also a lot of really good things. Is it worse to ignore the bad things and focus "too heavily" on the good things than it is to overly focus on the bad things while ignoring the good things? I don't think that I'm a terrible person for not being depressed about the starvation that I know exists in the world and being happy that I get to back to work tomorrow (for example). Or maybe I'm missing your point completely?

Sometimes Hometown seems like "reality" and/or "home." It depends on the day, though. Sometimes it feels like someplace to visit and College Place is my "real" home. That's where I work. That's where I go to school. That's where I spend the majority of my time. However, College Place doesn't feel "real" because I live with roommates. It doesn't feel "real," because I know that when school's over, I'll probably move. It's not somewhere I have planted roots. It changes a lot. I'm strung in the middle, I suppose. The people I really care about live in Hometown - my family. I work and live in College Place.

I'm tired and getting rambly. Good night.

snicker

2006-06-02T23:22:00.000-06:00

There's a kid named J* who took me out a while ago. I can't even remember when. He didn't call me for a long time, which was fine, because I didn't have any interest in going out with him again. He called me about a month ago, and I called him back later, but hung up thinking that he had me mixed up with someone else. He called again tonight while I was at work.

"Hi, Cinderella. This is J*. I met you a few weeks ago at a dance at TS. I meant to call you a few weeks ago, but I've been really busy. Anyway, I'd like to take you out, so how does Tuesday night sound? Anyway, just give me a call back. Here's my number if you don't have it."

I met him at a stake FHE. I have never been dancing at TS. It just made me laugh and I deleted the message. I'm not going to call him back. Were I in his situation, that's probably what I'd prefer. This could potentially be a very embarrassing situation for him, and I really don't want to make more out of it than it needs to be.

I love amusing situations like that. :D They make me smile.

Oh yeah...

2006-06-02T14:37:00.000-06:00

I'd forgotten that having relationships "gets in the way" of practicing. How silly of me. Relationships are all fine and dandy in the summer, but what about in the fall when I go back to having no time? Hmmmmmm....

Lunch Dates

2006-06-01T13:52:00.000-06:00

Lunch dates, I have decided, make great first dates. Really. There is less money being spent on me, and my date doesn't feel obligated to entertain me for an evening after only having had a conversation or two.

I went with this kid, and only spent an hour in his company. He's nice, but I'm not interested in spending great deals of time with him. He's 24, but you'd almost think that he had just stepped off the plane coming home from his mission. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but I enjoy people who are a little more mellow. He seems kind of high strung. After his "It'd be really fun to do something again." and my not responding, but waving a smiling goodbye, I'm hoping he'll find someone else to spark his interest and move on. I may not get off that easily, but a girl can hope, can't she?

Guys are SO much easier to interact with, on the whole, when they're "taken."

"Non-farewell-farewell

2006-05-29T21:03:00.000-06:00

Mission Brother spoke yesterday in church. It was amazing. That kid is an amazing example to me. It was definitely emotional. Every so often, when we sing a four-verse hymn, he'll start with bass, I'll start with soprano, and we'll work our way up/down, so I'm singing bass (an octave higher) by the fourth verse, and he'll be singing soprano an octave lower. I love that! It occurred to me, as he was sitting on the stand, that I won't get to do that for a while. Weird.

Saw X3 today, and liked it quite a bit. I haven't read the comics, so I didn't know what was going to happen. Lots of twists and turns that I wasn't expecting. This is one series that I don't mind the CGI stuff at all. You can't have X-Men without CGI. Hugh Jackman is one of my favorite actors because he's so versatile and so talented. I liked all the new characters. It was a fun show. I'd see it again.

I also watched Pearl Harbor today. That is not an easy movie to watch, but I'm glad I did. It's amazing to think that actions that affect the entire world come from people. Humans. Fallible, imperfect, often stupid creatures. FDR wakes up (or any president or ruler) and decides to make an executive decision to drop bombs. Men voluntarily sign up to be in the armed forces and go on missions not knowing if they'll come home alive. Serving and defending our country and our freedoms is more important than family, than life. That is incredible. I'm so thankful that they're willing to do that.

"Things" are challenging, but really good, too. I wouldn't have it any other way right now. I'm learning/realizing so much. Like how much I care.

It's 2 am

2006-05-27T02:00:00.000-06:00

and I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, even though I haven't slept much this week. I'm pretty convinced at this moment that I am stark raving mad.

However, it's funny how stuff occurs to me, filling my brain, rendering me unable to sleep. It's great, though, becuase I don't have to be anywhere until 1 or 1:30 pm tomorrow. I'm picking Aunt K up from the airport. Unfortunately, most (if not all) of you will never have the privilege of meeting my Aunt K. Being around her and Aunt M makes me remember that I take life too damned seriously, to be honest. :)

Aunt K makes me remember how much I tend to push myself into Dad's side of the family. I hate that I do that! In one way, I love formality, elegance, and all of that. However, if I push too far to that side, the other part of me revolts. "I am so much more zany, interesting and spunky than that, you dork! Stop locking me up!!! I can't take it any more!" I'm tired of being gloomy. I'm tired of being morose. I'm tired of living life as an apology. I like musicals. I'm watching Hello, Dolly! right now. I love that movie. I love the character of Dolly Levi. I need to be more like her. Aunt K's kinda like that, but can't sing as well. :D

Life is WAY too short to take it so seriously all the time. There are definitely things to be taken seriously, but there is so much to enjoy about life. Man.....I MISS theatre. Auditions for Beauty and the Beast were tonight, but I didn't audition. One, I was working. Two, I wouldn't be able to commit to the time commitment. I need to find another show, though. There is nothing like it in the world. It is the biggest rush. Mmmmm.

Man, it is so nice to write this post. This is probably the first post in a while that has really felt like me. I'm feeling all "drastic," (ha!) like getting fake nails or dying my hair a different color or changing SOMETHING. I don't believe I can do the nails thing right now, though, because of Job2. Dang it. Maybe in the fall....

I'm tired of worrying if my spunk is going to intimidate people. "Unfortunately" for them, the spunk is part of the package. I have yet to find a way to not squish it to the point that it jumps out, but I'll get there. :) If people can't handle the spunk, well, it's too bad.

So, the spunk has jumped out again, and just in time, too. :) Be ye warned. > : D

American Idol

2006-05-24T21:12:00.000-06:00

Taylor Hicks is the new American Idol, and I have to say that I'm glad. It's about time that 1) a guy won, 2) that he's bluesy, and 3) that he has a great personality.

I'm so tired of the garden variety female vocalist who seems to sound like every other female vocalist. Taylor's different. He has a different sound, and a different vibe. I hope he stays true to his word and doesn't change just because Hollywood tells him he should. He's not the best vocalist to have ever been on the show, but his package definitely makes up for that.

Yay for Taylor!!

Why is it...

2006-05-24T07:09:00.000-06:00

...that men seem (in general, etc.) to want/like/love/are attracted to women who are fit/skinny/healthy, but turn around and mock them when they order diet beverages at a restaurant and/or buy them at the store and/or buy 'light' products? I don't get it.

I'm looking for real comments here.

It's a little lumpy, but it rings.

2006-05-16T13:39:00.000-06:00

I was going to try to write a somewhat coherent, cohesive post instead of just random thoughts, but that's all that's swirling.

Now's a really interesting time for me. I simultaneously have a pretty good grip on who I am and what I want, but I still have a TON to learn about myself and life and the Savior and the gospel.

I'm really glad that Chilean friend is back in Chile...and that I won't see him for at least a few months, if not a year. He just e-mailed me, though. Ick.

So many things feel good and right and the way they're supposed to be. Contrast in other things could either mean that they're not right, or that I have insufficient information. The frustrating thing is that only time will tell. Have I mentioned that patience is not my strong point?

The more I learn about myself, and other people in general, the more things narrow. I know it's a good thing, but it's simultaneously frustrating, as it increases the number of people that don't fit. Trying to smash a square peg in a circular hole never did anyone any good, except maybe to realize that it doesn't fit. :)

I got to spend some time with Observant Friend over the weekend. He's fantastic, and I adore him, but nothing will ever happen romantically. He's 17 years older than I am, and that's just too much. Even if the age gap wasn't there, we're VERY different. We talked about life and mutual friends. It was interesting to compare notes and to see how many of our conclusions were similar, and what the differences were. He wants to know the link to my blog, but I'm nervous to give it to him. He's an English guy, and even taught at UVSC for a while. I'm always nervous that my English friends are going to critique my blog, even though "it doesn't matter." It's my blog! I shouldn't care, but I do. *shrug*

I think I have a "fear" (for lack of a better word) of being misunderstood. It's so easy to let other things interfere....the way something is phrased, tone of voice, and the context. I realized that I give people their opinions of me instead of letting them form their own. I'll start thoughts out with, "I know this will sound [insert adjective here- i.e. weird, dumb], but...." On one hand, I like being the outsider, but on the other hand, I want to be "normal." I'm probably more normal than I'll let myself believe. I'm going to stop pre-apologizing. I'm going to stop worrying. I'm just going to do my best to be me, and let the chips fall as they may. I spend too much time worrying what peoples' reactions to me will be. I don't think about it all the time, but it's more of an underlying thing that surfaced recently.

I forget how much I like having the house to myself when the sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, and I can just be.

It's been a long, been a long, been a long day.

2006-05-05T21:39:00.000-06:00

I'm done for the day (and the semester)!!!

Today:
6:30 am - Alarm went off.
7:45 am - Call time for Wind Ensemble. We played at Commencement.
10:30 am - Cut off of exit music.
10:59 am - Clocked into Job1.
3:02 pm - Clocked out of Job1.
3:40 pm - Hung up the phone with Mom.
4:21 pm - Left for Job2.
4:37 pm - Clocked into Job2.
5:00 pm - Served dinner to Wedding Dinner + Obnoxious Guests.
7:30 pm - went to other function to help severely understaffed function.
9:11 pm - Clocked out of Job2.

It's been a really long day, but it's been good. I'm in a good spot in my life, which is nice. It's nice to have school over with. I might have to retake a class, but that's part of life, right?

I've been thinking a lot about my future and weddings and such again, now that I'm back at Job2. I really feel like now is not the time for me to get married. I'm not sure when "now" is, exactly, though. "Now" could be today. It could be this week. It could be this month, this summer, this year. *shrug* I'm totally not stressed about it. I have enough going on in my life that if I never got married, I would do just fine. I know I'll get married (no, for real,), so I don't worry about it. I'm tired of worrying about it. There are so many more interesting things in life to be concerned about right now.

Surprisingly, I'm not all that tired. I think I've been psyching myself out so much about this day that I actually have extra energy. I'll probably clean my room a bit and maybe turn on a movie.

Engaged Roommate 1 and her fiancee had some sort of "fight" last night. It threw a weird feeling into the house, and I didn't like it.

Engaged Roommate 2 walked in commencement last night, even though she doesn't technically graduate until August. I really like her and her fiancee, and I will be sad when she moves out. We're not super-tight or anything, but she has this way of balancing our house. It's great.

I got to chat with Observant Friend last night, and it was really great. He was very kind a few years ago, and spent a lot of time with me, teaching me how to hone my people-observing skills. Now I can hold my own and have things to contribute to him, and that's a lot of fun. He says that I was what he and his friends would call "investment people." He could tell that I was very passionate and wanted a lot out of life and that I would be able to pick up on the things that he had learned. One of the many things that I really like about those skills is that it's not absolutely necessary to have a lot of life experience to be able to use them. Time and experiences help, for sure, but even though I'm 17 years younger than OF, I can still help him.

I'm content with life. Really. I have the feeling that this summer has a lot in store and that it will be different than summers past. I'm not sure how or why it will be different, but I can tell that it will.

I get to go to a quinceañera tomorrow, and I am super excited. I'll get to see people that I haven't seen in six years, and I can't wait. Some of my friend's cousins have moved here from Guate. It'll be great. Dancing, WONDERFUL, fabulous, marvelous food that I have missed dearly........YUM. I've been speaking so much Spanish lately with guys at work (RMs) and one of my friends from Wind Ensemble that I'm starting to think in Spanish again. I really should get back into Spanish classes.

I have a huge list of things to do now that school's out. We'll see if I actually do them. :) One thing at a time, right?

*sigh of relief*

Yay. Now I just hope that I don't get sick. My body keeps threatening to.

Lots of thoughts

2006-04-21T22:03:00.000-06:00

CT is leaving in less than a week for the summer. I have a lot of thoughts that shouldn't be able to coexist, but manage to anyway.

For example, I've become somewhat attached to the kid, but I think the time and distance will be good. It'd be nice if I could just know where things were going to go, but I suppose it would take a lot of the fun and excitement out of life. I have no idea how I'll respond to this. I'm pretty sure that a good chunk of how I'm feeling has to do with finals. So...when school's over and I (theoretically) have lots of time on my hands, what/who will I think of? I'm not sure what I want. I don't know what to expect. All that can be done is to let life play itself out.

Clothes. sigh

2006-04-04T21:29:00.001-06:00

We're getting a family picture taken on April 19th. Mom wants us all to be in pastels. I need to have something that contrasts with my fair skin.

I've also decided that I'm going to do skirts this summer. I don't like shorts much, but I don't want to wear pants all summer - too hot. I found the shoes I want. Now the trick is finding a few outfits. I'm not sure what looks the best with what, though.

Anyone want to come with and help me?

It's not so fun...

2006-03-31T08:29:00.000-07:00

...to be woken up an hour earlier than you had planned by your roommate blaring hymns and other church culture music sung by enthusiastic, though out out-of-tune missionaries in Brazil.

In her defense, she probably thought I was already gone. Unfortunately, I'm paying a nice chunk of change to hear things (especially myself) in tune. Unfortunately, I tend to continuously cringe when she plays that CD despite the fact that I like the English versions of those songs. Thankfully!!, my ears weren't working well enough this morning to hear the notes that were 1/4 to 1/2 step out of tune. Her CD never sounded better than this morning.

Thoughts

2006-03-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Change has never been easy for me. Living out of state sounds like fun and an adventure, but I've only ever really lived in Utah. It could be difficult for me. I'd cope, though, and it would probably be really, really good for me.

Tomorrow, I will be meeting people that have heard about me and that I have heard about, but I have no idea what to expect. It will be an adventure.

I think I need a new hobby or two.

One of the "bigger" reasons that I've had a hard time is that it actually feels really good. I'm not sure how to handle that.

My life's not the one that's up in the air, but I sort of feel like it.

Do I really want to go to grad school?

It hasn't quite hit me that my brother will be leaving for 2 years. That is strange. I'll be graduating with my undergrad (Hallelujah!), and who knows what else will have occurred?

I like the soundtrack to Good Night and Good Luck. I really liked this film.

I'm tired and am going to sleep now. Good night. Oh, and good luck. :)

dotted eighth-sixteenth-half-quarter

2006-03-27T16:33:00.000-07:00

Some might ask, "Aren't you just back to Square 1?"

The answer is definitely "No."

You don't know me.

2006-03-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

I think one of my fears in life is not being "enough." I can accept myself, but can others accept me? I worry about not being outdoorsy "enough" or intelligent enough or have enough stamina to do or deal with certain kinds of things. I just figure I'll save people the annoyance of having to deal with me and my weaknesses.

A few days ago, my brain and heart managed, for a few precious moments, to understand what it would be like to be married to someone (I speak generally) and to be very, very happy with them. Unfortunately, I can't recall those moments at will. For those brief, brief moments, I felt what it might be like to be with someone who loves me for who I am, and who I can feel secure and comfortable with, despite my faults and weaknesses, and I can do the same for them. It was a really interesting, great feeling. On a similar note, the thought of spending the rest of my life alone, while there are days that it sounds absolutely glamorous, is not really what I want.

Patience and Faith. You'd think I'd get it by now, but it turns out (heh....) that the Lord still has a thing or two to teach me about those two principles.

I could have danced all night.

2006-03-13T17:00:00.000-07:00

Saturday I went to the U.S. DanceSport Championships. It was fantastic. Guy1, for those of you who remember reading about him, took 3rd in Amateur Smooth. He received a scholarship and everything. Impressive? Yes. Does it make me regret ending things? Not at all.

I remembered how much I miss taking ballroom classes. I took 284 twice. The second time was two years ago from this semester. It was interesting/cool/slightly depressing to note that the majority of people that I was on spring/summer team with in 2003 are now on the backup and tour teams. They're competing Gold Bar Paso Doble and Amateur Latin. It's crazy stuff. I miss wearing dance heels. I miss tango hold. *sigh* I watched the little pre-teens and was absolutely amazed.

Had I stayed at That School, things would be different. I would be majoring in Physics with an emphasis in Acoustics. To balance school, I would have dived into ballroom. Looking at the competition, do I regret my decision? Not at all. Would I have been happy had I stayed? Debatable. Might I have met and gotten to know Chapstick Thief faster? Maybe. :-)

CT came to a surprising amount of DanceSport. I typically have really low expectations when it comes to men and art. I assume that men wouldn't want to come to a DanceSport competition unless they or someone they know (like a sibling or a child) were involved. Even the ones that are involved would only stay for the required amount of time by the teacher and then escape as quickly as possible. He stayed. He also watched the pre-teens and youth. He asked questions. Lots of them. He had a hard time leaving. He came back to watch Amateur Latin and Cabaret, after he attended the Swing Dance lessons. Umm, yeah. I am *impressed.* I might have to try something outdoorsy-ish when the weather warms up, or something like that. We'll have to see.

I found out that the kid can cook. Pretty well, actually. It was kind of intimidating. I would *love* to cook more often than I do, but time and money prohibit that. It's definitely something I want to focus on and learn how to do when I'm not in school. I really like it. I also feel helpless in other peoples' kitchens and with their equipment. That may sound silly, but since I don't cook much anyway, I think it's understandable. After dinner, which was really good, we went back to my parents' house and made Strawberry Shortcake. Since my family was asleep, we whipped the cream in my basement. It was a lot of fun, and CT commented that my family has 'excellent taste in video games.' Youngest Brother was highly flattered when I told him that the next morning.

Chapstick Thief fits into my family really well. Last night, he and my dad were on separate laptops at the table, making Mr. Bennet-like comments, which made me and my mom laugh quite a bit. My sister seems to like him, and he and YB share an affinity for Spongebob.

Youngest Brother comes down stairs with SpongeBob Squarepants pajama bottoms.

CT: "Hey man, nice PJs."
YB: "Hey! Thanks! You like SpongeBob, huh?"

Mom and I are laughing.

CT: "Yeah. I really like him a lot."
Mom: "Really?"
CT: "Yeah. Heh. I have Spongebob sheets."
Mom: "That's cool, eh, YB?"
YB: "Niiiiiiiiiice." Big grin.

Major points in my family. Funny.... I like hanging out with him quite a bit.

The Steps of the Palace

NEW BLOG!

Hello, again.

Nearing the end of June

Friday, May 23, 2008

As of Monday, May 5th:

Huh?!

Assistance, please?

My Life is Unraveling, part II

My Life is Unraveling,

Happy Time

As of today...

What is going on??

I think that my new favorite movie...

Feeling Out of Place

Dear Self,

January the 31st, 2008

I really need a haircut.

Not a good day.

Happy New Year

Dear Nancy,

...

Christmas!

There are reasons...

Nooooooooooooooo!

A List

Dear The Franchise,

Happy October!

Music

Thoughts

Sorcerer's Apprentice

The Franchise

Sorry, Sister.

Yay!

Wedding Vents Since I Can't Sleep

Ta-da!

Being Cornered

Caffeine and Venting

Oh, By The Way...

New Roommates

Junior Recital

To whom it may concern:

HooRAY for Wireless!

Happy Birthday to Me.

1:30 am

12:49 am

I have decided!

New Semester!

Merry Christmas!

It's been a while, hasn't it?

December the 3rd

Go BYU!

I make a very dry martini. I make a very wet souffle...

Symphony Orchestra

Concert Tonight!

One word.

Apollo 13

Pet Peeve

I've Got the World on a String

Ready, Set, Go.

A Challenge

Amusing Card

My head is back to normal. . . sort of.

*Head starting to spin.*

Grrr.

Concert Dates

Overdue Topic Number One: Ensembles.

It's funny.

First Day Of School

Complete at last, perhaps.

Random Thoughts

Movies

It dawned on me tonight.

Boys at BYU

I. am. tired.

What the...?

24

Inkheart

Oh? (With raised eyebrow)

"'Lucius turns and screams.' Ahhhhhhhhh!"

Head starting to spin.

snicker

Clothes. sigh